If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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