I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish my penis had an off switch
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
