I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
