it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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