I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
