i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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