Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
