Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
