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i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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