And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
