I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
