i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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