Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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