I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
