she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
