Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.