I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize