I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP