was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
