I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
