You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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