It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
