Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
