marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sarcasm needs its own font
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
