I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
