Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
