And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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