i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
