if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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