Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
