is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
