We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
