haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
