road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
