We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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