that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
