Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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