Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
