just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
