I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
