Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
