Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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