Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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