it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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