i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
