DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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