Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
