those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
