from now on my penis is your penis
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
