I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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