anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
