I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
