cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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