dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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