I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
