goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
