atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
