i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't turn off my feet"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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