She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
