I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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