Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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