One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
