I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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