Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
