I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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