why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
