People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
