I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
