All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
