just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
