He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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