Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
