It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
